Anatevka

This post will include a little bit of this [and] a little bit of that as I wrap up the summer.

This week I went to the Benton/Franklin County Fair with my older brother and his family. I got some awful freedom fries (ha, ha), a delicious polish sausage corn dog, and fresh lemonade to rival that of Hot Dog on a Stick. We saw all the animals and my nephew got to ride the carousel, but his favorite part was dancing to the Beach Boys (no Brian Wilson, sad). Now before you get all jealous of me, let me say that as the familiar strains rolled toward us from the stage my first thought was, "hmm, a second rate cover band." They got better as the night progressed, but I was disappointed on the whole. That's why I didn't go back tonight for Night Ranger.

Earlier this week, I read the following headline in the local newspaper: New tests find heart attack quicker, better. "Oh nooooo!" I screamed. "We have a new virulent strain of heart attacks that are both faster and 'better' (more effective?). How will we combat this new evil?" I had visions of The Brain Eaters (those little worms from outer space that eat human brains that I told you about in an earlier post) and their little friends The Heart Eaters, coming together to stage a coup and take over the world.

Today on TV I learned that the WWF was back in business, my life was once again complete. Trusting my all (TV has never led me astray) you can imagine my despondency at finding out it was the World Wide Fund for nature; who, while founded in 1961, obviously stole the anagram from the Woldwide Wrestling Federation.

Many of my more educated reader's remember Alfalfa's soliloquy when he proclaimed that God himself looked down from heaven and said, "I hate you Alfalfa." These past few weeks I have had a simular outlook on life (God hating me, not Alfalfa) as I have experienced many twists and turns and highs and lows recently. I have dropped out of Hospice due to good behavior (high) and wanted to move out of my parent's house and rent a room from somebody but didn't find anything (low). A young BYU grad showed up at church and said he was looking for a roommate (high). I found an available, affordable two bedroom apartment (high). I went to go see it Saturday, checked with my roommate on Sunday, went to pay the deposit on Monday, and it was already leased (low). There is not one apartment in Richland or Pasco with a two bedroom available until October (low). I thought I finally found one in Pasco (high) and then they tell me when I get there to pay the deposit that it is a low income only complex (low). At each new low I felt like Mola Ram himself pulled my heart out of my body, and I wonder, why tantalize me with highs if you're going to follow it up with a new lower low? How can I be progressing if I'm stuck in neutral here in West Richland?

Well I hope everyone had a great summer. I for one am looking forward to fall-best sports time and best weather of the year. Here's a teaser: I won't be here next weekend!

Happy Birth-a-day Mr. President

Happy Birthday President Obama. If Marylin were still here, I'm sure she'd be singing to you today as you celebrate the big 4-8. Please indulge me a moment while I share my favorite Marylin Monroe story. When Marylin went with Joe to meet her future mother-in-law, Mrs. DiMaggio, she wanted to make a good first impression. She had to use the bathroom while at Mrs. DiMaggio's house and didn't want her to hear her pee, so she turned on the water faucet to cover up the noise. After the meeting, reporters asked Mrs. DiMaggio what see thought about Marylin. She answered, "she's a nice girl, but she pees like a horse." Backfire!

I recently learned a very valuable lesson; just because one 60's black and white sci-fi movie is awesomely bad, that doesn't mean all 60's black and white sci-fi movies are awesomely bad-some are just bad. Months ago I saw 'The Head Without a Body." It was awesomely bad. A doctor and his fiancee get into a car accident where she gets decapitated. He saves the head, keeps it alive, and goes looking in brothels for a new, hotter body for his fiancee. Awesome. A few days ago I watched "The Brain Eaters." An alien species of worm borrow their way into human brains and take control of the brains and actions of their victims. Sounds awesomely bad doesn't it? Nope, it's just bad.

So remember that stereotypes are sometimes right, but sometimes wrong. Try not to judge based on pre-conceived notions based on stereotypes, you may be way off base. I know I was.