Thursday, October 8, 2009
I Can See Clearly Now
Happy World Sight Day! I am sure glad I can see well enough (those who have been on my softball team might disagree but...). I am also glad that Johnny Nash taught us all about the wonder of seeing clearly. Coincidentally, it has stopped raining here in Richland. Just a reminder that the Red Sox are playing in the ALDS tonight at 9:37 EDT on TBS. For those of you who don't have the luxury of cable you can view all postseason games on mlb.com for the low price of $10. Now you have no excuse.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Real American
It is almost Halloween and I hope everyone knows what they are going to be and how they are going to celebrate. I am pretty excited about it, I love Halloween. I will hang a scarecrow called Craig, carve a pumpkin, and I already got a skull for the entertainment center. I am growing out the goatee so I can pull off Hulk Hogan as well as the young gentleman above. Throughout his wrestling career, Hulk taught that we should all be real Americans (you WWF fans know what I'm talking about and while you don't need this link, you will enjoy it). Richard Zerhinger deserves some credit too of course for helping Hulk spread this message. Now I'm spreading it to you-be a real American. Eat an entire pizza. Complain about taxes. Watch a war movie. Play X-box or Wii. Lie to your boss about being sick and go golfing (men) or shopping (women). I know I will.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Hate (I really don't like you)
Craig Thompson has forever cemented his place on my hate list. For all you Direct-TV users out there please be advised that you will be unable to watch a top 10 college football team Saturday as result of his ignorance, greed, idiocy, dim-wittedness, and just plain stupidity. And most TV users in general will be unable to watch 3 top 25 teams all season. I suggest everyone do what my roommates and I did a few years ago to effect change in the 2004 AL championship series. Make a scarecrow (use wadded paper instead of straw if you must as we did), name it Craig, and hang him from the rafters. I lament that we did't burn Derek (Jeter of the NY Yankees), this year I will most certinly burn Craig-and I hope you do so as well. When talking about your project and pointing out your effigy, always use first name only-it further debases him. Craig, hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Movin' Out
I had a hard time deciding what to title this post. Billy Joel wrote and sang about my physical situation (see post title above) and Leonard Cohen wrote and sang about my emotional state (in his hit song 'Hallelujah'). That's right, I moved out of my parent's house into a new place about 5 miles away. It's a 2 br apartment and my roommate is moving in this weekend. He's a recent BYU grad who's looking for a place to live in the area so he doesn't have to live with his parents. It's so nice just to be able to have my own place and space. I always felt somewhat cloistered and like someone was also looking over my shoulder (even if they weren't). I feel like shouting "Hallelujah." My parents should be okay for a little while as my brother's family are back in the basement until they can move into the home they just bought in 2 or 3 weeks; after that I expect a complete meltdown.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Deep in the Heart of Texas
Last weekend my dad and I flew to Dallas and watched BYU beat OU at the new Dallas stadium-it was awesome. Let me tell you all about it.
We drove 2 1/2 hours to Spokane before we even got on the airplane, but we saved $100 on tickets so I guess it was worth it. We took Frontier, and now I love Frontier! They had little TVs in each seat like you get on big or international flights, and to further add to my delight the complimentary beverage service was made up of Pepsi products. Instead of forcing barqs or sprite or coke down my gullet, it seemed as if I were at Mt. Olympus drinking the nectar of the Gods with Zeus himself. I felt like echoing the immortal words of Jimmy Page, "Valhalla I am coming."
We had a layover in Denver and went to a Mexican restaurant where I received by far the worst service from the waitstaff that I have ever received. We had to seat ourselves and get our own menus. Our water was never refilled and the waitstaff stood in the corner and chatted noisily most of the time while we were staring at them waiting for our menus, water, food, check, and change. My dad gave them a 50 cent tip, and he way over tipped. After the food fiasco we found our gate, scanned the crowd waiting for the flight, and immediately saw a bunch of BYU fans from Salt Lake there on a layover on their way to the game (there were dozens of us).
Once we got to Dallas we met my uncle and cousins who drove out from Missouri, and drove down to Waco to stay with another cousin. Little did we know that he had just moved into the place and had no furniture. He did have 2 bowls, 2 spoons, 3 cups, milk, cereal, bread, peanut butter, and a can of chili. The next morning we ate breakfast at Denny's and a Texas fan sitting near us cheered us on to victory (University of Texas fans hate OU and visa versa).
We finally got to the stadium, parked 1/2 mile away, and started looking for scalpers (as my cousin from Waco was supposed to buy tickets thought scalping was a better idea). Anyway, we got in with great seats in the BYU cheering section and had a good time. The a/c was on (but it was still hot in there) and the replay screen was amazing. Stretching 60 yrds on either side of the field, it gave one a great look at the action going on below. As most of you know, the game (though sloppy at times) was one heart pounding moment after another. After the game we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and a full recap of the day's events. What a great time!
We drove 2 1/2 hours to Spokane before we even got on the airplane, but we saved $100 on tickets so I guess it was worth it. We took Frontier, and now I love Frontier! They had little TVs in each seat like you get on big or international flights, and to further add to my delight the complimentary beverage service was made up of Pepsi products. Instead of forcing barqs or sprite or coke down my gullet, it seemed as if I were at Mt. Olympus drinking the nectar of the Gods with Zeus himself. I felt like echoing the immortal words of Jimmy Page, "Valhalla I am coming."
We had a layover in Denver and went to a Mexican restaurant where I received by far the worst service from the waitstaff that I have ever received. We had to seat ourselves and get our own menus. Our water was never refilled and the waitstaff stood in the corner and chatted noisily most of the time while we were staring at them waiting for our menus, water, food, check, and change. My dad gave them a 50 cent tip, and he way over tipped. After the food fiasco we found our gate, scanned the crowd waiting for the flight, and immediately saw a bunch of BYU fans from Salt Lake there on a layover on their way to the game (there were dozens of us).
Once we got to Dallas we met my uncle and cousins who drove out from Missouri, and drove down to Waco to stay with another cousin. Little did we know that he had just moved into the place and had no furniture. He did have 2 bowls, 2 spoons, 3 cups, milk, cereal, bread, peanut butter, and a can of chili. The next morning we ate breakfast at Denny's and a Texas fan sitting near us cheered us on to victory (University of Texas fans hate OU and visa versa).
We finally got to the stadium, parked 1/2 mile away, and started looking for scalpers (as my cousin from Waco was supposed to buy tickets thought scalping was a better idea). Anyway, we got in with great seats in the BYU cheering section and had a good time. The a/c was on (but it was still hot in there) and the replay screen was amazing. Stretching 60 yrds on either side of the field, it gave one a great look at the action going on below. As most of you know, the game (though sloppy at times) was one heart pounding moment after another. After the game we went to Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and a full recap of the day's events. What a great time!
Friday, August 28, 2009
Anatevka
This post will include a little bit of this [and] a little bit of that as I wrap up the summer.
This week I went to the Benton/Franklin County Fair with my older brother and his family. I got some awful freedom fries (ha, ha), a delicious polish sausage corn dog, and fresh lemonade to rival that of Hot Dog on a Stick. We saw all the animals and my nephew got to ride the carousel, but his favorite part was dancing to the Beach Boys (no Brian Wilson, sad). Now before you get all jealous of me, let me say that as the familiar strains rolled toward us from the stage my first thought was, "hmm, a second rate cover band." They got better as the night progressed, but I was disappointed on the whole. That's why I didn't go back tonight for Night Ranger.
Earlier this week, I read the following headline in the local newspaper: New tests find heart attack quicker, better. "Oh nooooo!" I screamed. "We have a new virulent strain of heart attacks that are both faster and 'better' (more effective?). How will we combat this new evil?" I had visions of The Brain Eaters (those little worms from outer space that eat human brains that I told you about in an earlier post) and their little friends The Heart Eaters, coming together to stage a coup and take over the world.
Today on TV I learned that the WWF was back in business, my life was once again complete. Trusting my all (TV has never led me astray) you can imagine my despondency at finding out it was the World Wide Fund for nature; who, while founded in 1961, obviously stole the anagram from the Woldwide Wrestling Federation.
Many of my more educated reader's remember Alfalfa's soliloquy when he proclaimed that God himself looked down from heaven and said, "I hate you Alfalfa." These past few weeks I have had a simular outlook on life (God hating me, not Alfalfa) as I have experienced many twists and turns and highs and lows recently. I have dropped out of Hospice due to good behavior (high) and wanted to move out of my parent's house and rent a room from somebody but didn't find anything (low). A young BYU grad showed up at church and said he was looking for a roommate (high). I found an available, affordable two bedroom apartment (high). I went to go see it Saturday, checked with my roommate on Sunday, went to pay the deposit on Monday, and it was already leased (low). There is not one apartment in Richland or Pasco with a two bedroom available until October (low). I thought I finally found one in Pasco (high) and then they tell me when I get there to pay the deposit that it is a low income only complex (low). At each new low I felt like Mola Ram himself pulled my heart out of my body, and I wonder, why tantalize me with highs if you're going to follow it up with a new lower low? How can I be progressing if I'm stuck in neutral here in West Richland?
Well I hope everyone had a great summer. I for one am looking forward to fall-best sports time and best weather of the year. Here's a teaser: I won't be here next weekend!
This week I went to the Benton/Franklin County Fair with my older brother and his family. I got some awful freedom fries (ha, ha), a delicious polish sausage corn dog, and fresh lemonade to rival that of Hot Dog on a Stick. We saw all the animals and my nephew got to ride the carousel, but his favorite part was dancing to the Beach Boys (no Brian Wilson, sad). Now before you get all jealous of me, let me say that as the familiar strains rolled toward us from the stage my first thought was, "hmm, a second rate cover band." They got better as the night progressed, but I was disappointed on the whole. That's why I didn't go back tonight for Night Ranger.
Earlier this week, I read the following headline in the local newspaper: New tests find heart attack quicker, better. "Oh nooooo!" I screamed. "We have a new virulent strain of heart attacks that are both faster and 'better' (more effective?). How will we combat this new evil?" I had visions of The Brain Eaters (those little worms from outer space that eat human brains that I told you about in an earlier post) and their little friends The Heart Eaters, coming together to stage a coup and take over the world.
Today on TV I learned that the WWF was back in business, my life was once again complete. Trusting my all (TV has never led me astray) you can imagine my despondency at finding out it was the World Wide Fund for nature; who, while founded in 1961, obviously stole the anagram from the Woldwide Wrestling Federation.
Many of my more educated reader's remember Alfalfa's soliloquy when he proclaimed that God himself looked down from heaven and said, "I hate you Alfalfa." These past few weeks I have had a simular outlook on life (God hating me, not Alfalfa) as I have experienced many twists and turns and highs and lows recently. I have dropped out of Hospice due to good behavior (high) and wanted to move out of my parent's house and rent a room from somebody but didn't find anything (low). A young BYU grad showed up at church and said he was looking for a roommate (high). I found an available, affordable two bedroom apartment (high). I went to go see it Saturday, checked with my roommate on Sunday, went to pay the deposit on Monday, and it was already leased (low). There is not one apartment in Richland or Pasco with a two bedroom available until October (low). I thought I finally found one in Pasco (high) and then they tell me when I get there to pay the deposit that it is a low income only complex (low). At each new low I felt like Mola Ram himself pulled my heart out of my body, and I wonder, why tantalize me with highs if you're going to follow it up with a new lower low? How can I be progressing if I'm stuck in neutral here in West Richland?
Well I hope everyone had a great summer. I for one am looking forward to fall-best sports time and best weather of the year. Here's a teaser: I won't be here next weekend!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Happy Birth-a-day Mr. President
Happy Birthday President Obama. If Marylin were still here, I'm sure she'd be singing to you today as you celebrate the big 4-8. Please indulge me a moment while I share my favorite Marylin Monroe story. When Marylin went with Joe to meet her future mother-in-law, Mrs. DiMaggio, she wanted to make a good first impression. She had to use the bathroom while at Mrs. DiMaggio's house and didn't want her to hear her pee, so she turned on the water faucet to cover up the noise. After the meeting, reporters asked Mrs. DiMaggio what see thought about Marylin. She answered, "she's a nice girl, but she pees like a horse." Backfire!
I recently learned a very valuable lesson; just because one 60's black and white sci-fi movie is awesomely bad, that doesn't mean all 60's black and white sci-fi movies are awesomely bad-some are just bad. Months ago I saw 'The Head Without a Body." It was awesomely bad. A doctor and his fiancee get into a car accident where she gets decapitated. He saves the head, keeps it alive, and goes looking in brothels for a new, hotter body for his fiancee. Awesome. A few days ago I watched "The Brain Eaters." An alien species of worm borrow their way into human brains and take control of the brains and actions of their victims. Sounds awesomely bad doesn't it? Nope, it's just bad.
So remember that stereotypes are sometimes right, but sometimes wrong. Try not to judge based on pre-conceived notions based on stereotypes, you may be way off base. I know I was.
I recently learned a very valuable lesson; just because one 60's black and white sci-fi movie is awesomely bad, that doesn't mean all 60's black and white sci-fi movies are awesomely bad-some are just bad. Months ago I saw 'The Head Without a Body." It was awesomely bad. A doctor and his fiancee get into a car accident where she gets decapitated. He saves the head, keeps it alive, and goes looking in brothels for a new, hotter body for his fiancee. Awesome. A few days ago I watched "The Brain Eaters." An alien species of worm borrow their way into human brains and take control of the brains and actions of their victims. Sounds awesomely bad doesn't it? Nope, it's just bad.
So remember that stereotypes are sometimes right, but sometimes wrong. Try not to judge based on pre-conceived notions based on stereotypes, you may be way off base. I know I was.
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